Thursday, January 19, 2006

I called

my doctor's office yesterday. "Hi, this is Wheezus and I'm a patient of Dr. B--," I said.

Silence.

"I'm going to attempt to quit smoking, and there's a drug I heard about that can help with the cravings," I said.

Silence.

"I think it's called Zyban, or Welbutrin," I went on.

Silence.

"I was wondering if Doctor B-- would give me a prescription for it."

More silence, followed by, "Not without seeing you."

"I just saw her a few weeks ago..."

"That doesn't count. She's booked up a couple weeks right now."

"Well, I have another appointment February 2...but I want to do this sooner."

"What you're going to need to do is call back in the morning to set something up with Dr. B."

"Can I at least leave her a message?"

"No. She's not in today. You need to call back tomorrow."

"But can't I at least leave her a voicemail?"

"No, she doesn't want us to take messages for her when she's out of the office."

"But -- I want to QUIT SMOKING."

Silence.

----------

So I've come to the conclusion that my doctor's office doesn't really want me to quit smoking. WTF? Can we be any less helpful? Sheesh. Not to mention that whenever one calls, it takes 20 minutes just to get through the automated phone option maze -- and no one there can set up an appointment for me because Dr. B took a day off??? I think I need a new doctor. I hate this -- finding new doctors, dentists, hair stylists, mechanics, etc. when you move is really, really annoying.

15 Comments:

Blogger Katie said...

WTF indeed! What a useless receptionist.

10:05 AM  
Blogger kim (weltek) said...

Seriously, that's just wrong. I had a similar experience.

Me calling Drs. office: Hi, I need to make an appt. with Dr. X.

Receptionist: What is this regarding?

Me: I just had an ultrasound on my gall bladder. They found stones & said I should make an appointment with my Doctor to follow up.

Receptionist: Hm. Ok. Well why don't you call on Monday & you can make an appointment then.

Me: (it's Thursday) I can't do that now?

Receptionist: It's better if you call back Monday.

Me: Um, ok.

I hate it when you are so flabbergasted you can't even argue.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Asrai said...

Hi ya, Wheeze. GF and I just quit smoking. We didn't take anything. We just wanted to have sex for longer than a few hours. Can't have incredibly great sex if ya can't breathe, can ya?!

Sorry to be X-rated, but it's what worked for us.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Swami said...

Dr.s pretty much control their own little worlds. It may be somewhat effective if you tell the doctor her reception staff and/or front desk proceedures are so annoying that you are likely to leave. A doctor's staff typically think they are there to serve the doctor, not the patients; and doctors expect to be served so stupid office stuff is a common problem in medical clinics.

Then again, maybe they just don't like you? And want you to die of lung cancer?

Try smoking only while standing on a bucket in your front yard where everyone can see you. I'll bet you smoke way less.

6:40 AM  
Blogger ~Nutz said...

Well! If you quit, they'll lose all of that insurance money from all of those procedures you will need if you continue smoking!

The world is full of morons. *shakes head*

12:30 PM  
Blogger Wheeze said...

Hiya, Weltek! Nice to see you.

Swami, I don't own a bucket.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous Sasha said...

Yes , you need a new doc. After all, they can all write prescriptions. And if you are seriously ill you'll need a specialist. So you might as well pick a congenial one with a tolerable staff.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Jolene said...

Ugh. The receptionists at my doctor's office is similarly aggravating to deal with (she's at a behemoth teaching hosptial - it comes with the territory). But the doctor herself, once you actually manage to see her, is awesome, so I just deal with it.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Swami said...

You should buy a bucket, Wheeze. Think how befuddled your beloved will be when your post-coital routine starts to include standing on a bucket, smoking.

I am not a smoker myself, but I have eaten Cheetos while standing in front of a mirror, naked. Very humbling. At least you don't have to stand on your bucket and smoke naked. Unless, you know, you want to...

1:46 PM  
Blogger Immunegirl said...

Yuck!! You definitely need a new doctor. Sorry to hear that your doc is stupid.

11:39 AM  
Blogger bobdechemist said...

Sometimes Swami is very, very strange.

2:28 PM  
Blogger Supes said...

It's a sign from the Jesus that you shouldn't quit yet.

9:18 AM  
Anonymous moon said...

How 'bout telling the Doctor you found the whole thing a bit befuddling-after all, they are there to make appointments for the doctor, aren't they?
Please find a way to get your Wellbutrin-I'd like to stick around for a long time! GOOD LUCK!!

6:40 PM  
Blogger lights said...

You could actually CHANGE doctors? I can't even GET one. *sigh* The family doctor we've had for over 20 years moved and left us without a family doctor over a year ago and I've been unable to find another one. I am on a number of waiting lists though. If only a bunch of old people would just hurry up and die. *rolls eyes*

Mr lights used Zyban a few years ago when he was trying to quit. I dubbed it Zyagara because of a certain side effect it had on him. *grin*

2:23 PM  
Blogger lights said...

You could actually CHANGE doctors? I can't even GET one. *sigh* The family doctor we've had for over 20 years moved and left us without a family doctor over a year ago and I've been unable to find another one. I am on a number of waiting lists though. If only a bunch of old people would just hurry up and die. *rolls eyes*

Mr lights used Zyban a few years ago when he was trying to quit. I dubbed it Zyagara because of a certain side effect it had on him. *grin*

2:23 PM  

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